Somewhere inside “King Arthur” is a feel-good movie about virtue triumphing over evil, but you’ll have to look hard to find it. This is something of an Arthurian prequel: our Arthur actually comes from Rome, and he’s itching to return home from Britain after one too many battles. Just as he’s about to get his walking papers, he and his men are sent on one final mission–don’t you just hate when that happens?–to save the pope’s favorite godson from the vicious Saxons. Along with way, he also rescues Guinevere (Keira Knightley) from some religious zealots, forges an uneasy alliance with Merlin (Stephen Dillane) and spouts endlessly about God and equality around an oversize Round Table. Unfortunately, none of this is very much fun. The cinematography is dark and depressing. The dialogue is stilted. And for some reason, director Antoine Fuqua has even ditched the Arthur/Guinevere/ Lancelot love triangle. The movie’s strong suit, if it has one, is the hyper-close-up action sequences: the menacing crack of the ice, the whoosh of the flying arrows. It’s all very “CSI,” which isn’t surprising, since the producer of “King Arthur” is Jerry Bruckheimer.
Worst of all, almost no one smiles in “King Arthur.” Certainly not Owen, whose Arthur sounds like Nicolas Cage at his most monotone and sports the same perfect minibeard for the entire film. As a butt-kicking Guinevere, Knightley gets the movie’s best line. Lancelot to Guinevere: “There’s a large number of lonely men out there.” Guinevere to Lancelot: “Don’t worry. I won’t let them rape you.” But her dewy stare and plucky strut verge dangerously close to Winona Ryder territory. By the end, when Arthur becomes king and unifies Britain, it’s hard to care much. Since this is a movie where the fog gets more scenes than Lancelot, it’s no wonder “King Arthur” is all wet.
